How To Get Some Dude’s Feces On Your Shirt Collar

In Uncategorized on March 25, 2010 at 6:01 am

E. Coli kills. You and I both know that. But while there are many ways to die that are just as painful, nothing is as terrible as dying from someone else’s feces.

But if you were to go out (pun not intended nor attempted to obfuscate) using E. Coli, this is how you’d do it.

1. Use a Community Washing Machine.

2. Wash With Hot Water for a False Sense of Security.
E. Coli can reproduce rapidly between cool water temperatures and warm water temperatures. Some E.Coli grow even more rapidly in water temperatures that many would consider hot. Many strains don’t start to die until atleast 160 degrees. Ironically, hot water usually hits about 125 degrees Farenheit. This is like a spa day for E. Coli.

3. Do Not Use Bleach.
Since you are washing dark clothes like your jeans and hoodie jacket, to maximize your risk of death from E. Coli, make sure you do not use bleach. This way, the fecal matter from that last burley guy’s tightie-whities will have a full 40minutes to multiply in your warm laundry water. In fact, try going shopping while your wash sits in the dark damp warm machine for another hour or two. By the time you get back to throw your wet laundry in the Dryer…

4. Use Your Hands to Put Your Wet E. Coli Swarming Clothes in the Dryer…
… preferrably while eating a sandwich. Eating a sandwich immediately after moving your clothes from the washer to the dryer is the most direct and effective way to get some big dude’s feces directly into your blood stream. If you are a perfectionist, you could also try putting in your contact lenses and using the bathroom yourself immediately after starting the dryer (maximum contact with your internal organs is recommended for desired results).

5. If you have completed all of the preceeding four steps and suddenly have a change of heart:
…and decide to not die of E. Coli, read about JBNI Biodrux “Bioprin’s” antibacterial, antifungal, and anticancer properties as demonstrated by a report by PhDs from Dana Farber Cancer Institute / Harvard Medical School.

To Ask JBNI’s Team of Scientists and Physician Your Critical Health Questions, ASK J!

Posted via web from Health Myths You Still Believe


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: